As exemplified by Parson Weems and too the personality cult of Dave Thomas; a thin line exists between fact and fable. A spatial vacuum occupied only by His Airness. Gaps in parchment and in scroll are susceptible to the sway of the raconteur. Like the clay tablets of Samaria and the Annunaki creation myth, an understanding of origins is fundamental. State Champion is no different.
It was June 21, 2007, the summer solstice; a 13-year old girl's legs were severed just below the knee at Kentucky Kingdom. The Hellevator was reportedly being dismantled. WHAS was running a special report. Aaron Osbourne could see Vicki Dortch, the Clip-Art graphics and the scrolling Hot Lotto picks but he was thinking about the Hellavator. He was beside himself, like DEA Agent Sean Vetter in A Man Apart after his wife Stacy is taken out by Diablo. The ghostly
relics of the mid-90s came back to him one-by-one; Starchaser, The Vampire, Quake--all dismantled at the climax of their reign; scrapped and sold while the relics of their existence were doomed to fade like the taglines of dead wrestlers.
Aaron took his brother's Kentucky Kingdom pass, a couple of vouchers and told Ryan to meet him at the park entrance. Aaron seemed disbanded. He met Ryan on the curb. The two were quickly solicited by a Mikie Poland and a Sabrina Rush who were pushing bootlegged smut out of the trunk of a Saturn SL1. Ryan asked Mikie what kind of smut he had and Mikie said that he had Captain N: Game Master hentai and Ren & Stimpy claymation bondage. Aaron took a step toward Sabrina and asked her if their allegiance as mercenaries could be bought and she said yes. A price was established. He handed them a pair of entry vouchers and held onto a couple of claymation smut VHS tapes as collateral.
They passed through the turnstile. The Hellevator was quarantined. There it stood, like the prophesized Red Horse of the apocalypse banished for the bloodlet it was fated to bring. The pillar was to be absolved. The sequence reactivated.
Much of the coup was plotted at The Thrill Park Theatre during a screening of Dino Island. Security was beginning to change shifts at the Hellavator entrance. Sabrina used her coquettishness and a closeout markdown on Loritabs to draw a 17-year old employee away from the gate. Mikie crawled through a stint of shrubbery and handcuffed himself to the base of the Hellevator.
Security guards surrounded the tower. Mikie claimed to be the Black Horse of the apocalypse and bluffed C4 to hold them at bay but one of the guards pressed the Child Safety release switch on the side of the handcuffs and asked him to leave. The four of them were escorted out of the park as the Hellevator was slowly brought to its knees.
From that day forth, State Champion was to reign across the land in the form of pestilence and war until the Pillar of Hell again defiantly emerged from the earthly soil like a boner at midnight mass.
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